Whilst traveling it is every man’s duty to seek and destroy as much foreign vagina as he possibly can. Whether he is climbing a mountain, visiting a mosque or even on a date with another girl he must always keep his eye for his next target. Cock-blockers are also at an all-time high and can easily disguise themselves as ‘just another friendly backpacker looking to make new friends’. It was this exact mindset that allowed Lionel and I to find the biggest sluts in Thailand.
After our adventures in Koh Tao we headed southwest to Koh Phi Phi as we had heard it was full of Russians and Swedes; boner achieved. The island had been completely destroyed by the tsunami is 2004, but as our boat pulled into the shoreline the scenery made any other place I’d visited look like an absolute dump. The water was crystal clear, the mountains a perfect shade of green and you could smell the sex in the air as we walked amongst an orgy of tourists.
This was paradise.
On our way home from dinner I noticed two girls sampling some street food. They looked familiar, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it so I decided that approaching them would best put my mind at ease.
“Hey, do I know you from somewhere?”
“Hey! Yeah we met you and your friend in the street party in Bangkok a few days ago.” She replied with an engaging smile.
We must have been so shit-faced that we didn’t remember girls we spoke to only days beforehand.
“Oh okay, well I suppose you’ll be going out tonight?” I asked already know that her answer would be…
“Yeah for sure, my friend and I will be on the beach at 11 you should come party with us.”
I agreed it would be a good idea. Lionel and I had just found our new targets for the night.
By 11 Lionel and our two new South African mates had successfully downed several litres of concentrated Redbull mixed with vodka. With energy similar to that of a person who had just snorted 5 grams of cocaine, our penises lead us towards the beach bars in search of the girls.
Within 5 minutes we had spotted the girls sitting on beanbags watching drunken retards jump through a ring of fire. As I made my way over I made a mental note to strategically sit next to the decidedly more attractive girl. Amelia was tall blonde and slender with noticeable bright blue eyes. Her kiwi accent wasn’t enough to distract me from her over-the-top flirting and obvious body language.
“Did you know Kiwis are the most promiscuous women on the planet?” I said with a smirk
“No, I didn’t know that, but sometimes I can see why.”
As soon as she finished her sentence I leaned in and kissed her. We kissed for no more than 30 seconds before we continued our conversation as if nothing had happened.
During our conversation I had noticed Rob, one of the South Africans, getting cozy with the Amelia’s friend, Kelly. She was a short, English, brunette with a sizable rack and a naturally sexual nature. They seemed to be in a deep conversation so Lionel and the other South African, Mike, were left to fend for themselves.
After countless buckets I found myself alone with Amelia. She was keen for us to meet back up with Kelly. She had mentioned to Amelia that she wanted to kiss a guy with long blonde hair so she was happy to share me with her. Within a few minutes my tongue was down Kelly’s throat while Amelia watched. Amelia then went back and started kissing Rob.
“Wanna come see how shitty my hostel room is?” I said turning my full attention back to Amelia. Making it completely obvious I wanted to fuck and I wanted to do it right now.
“Yeah, but we need to get food on the way home.”Through an alcoholic haze I somehow resisted the urge to eat on the way. I know too well that a stomach full of greasy food would make me sleepy and affect my sexual performance.
As we fucked I remember thinking “How the fuck do I have an erection right now? I can’t even see 2 metres in front of me.” Much to my surprise I was even able to blow a solid load onto her stomach.
The following day Rob informed me that he took Kelly home, but failed to maintain a full and firm erection so he resorted to eating her pussy for a ludicrous amount of time. This saddened me, so I gave him some words of encouragement along the lines of: “That’s cool, just fuck her tonight. Make sure you don’t get too drunk though.”
The night started just the way it had the previous night, although this time Amelia had eyes for Mike and Kelly had eyes for Lionel. They were going to perform the classic switch-a-roo, which didn’t bother me as I had already emptied a load onto Amelia. I also found it funny that Mike would kiss the very lips that were wrapped around my cock less than 24 hours beforehand.
I decided to find some fresh meat, but every time I spoke to another girl either Amelia or Kelly would deliberately come over and cock-block. Not only did they want to perform a switch-a-roo, they also didn’t want the guys they had kissed the previous night to find someone else incase they needed one of us to fuck as a backup. Smart girls.
After a few hours of disgusting make out sessions Mike broke it to Amelia that he had a girlfriend back in South Africa and wasn’t going to sleep with her. I could see the disappointment in her eyes as he left the party to go home. Her attention quickly turned back to me. As Rob had gone off on his own Lionel and I were left with the two girls.
“Let’s go home!.” Kelly demanded
I wasn’t overly keen on fucking the girl I’d already fucked just after Mike had rejected her, but if they were just going to cock-block me I didn’t stand a chance with anyone else. I think it’s safe to say girls are 10 times the cock-blocker any man could ever be.
We arrived back at our room around 30 minutes later. Kelly immediately got naked and began pushing her tits up against the window as partygoers walked past. Lionel followed suit and suggested she join him for a shower. I was curious to find out exactly what these girls were all about. They seemed to work well as a team and had successfully gone through the four of us within two nights and made it look easy.
“So how long have you to known each other?” I asked
“We used to work on a cruise ship for 3 years, but have only been travelling for 2 weeks together.”
“…You seem to have the whole ‘picking up men thing’ down pat.” I said. Trying to delve a little deeper.
“Yeah Kelly and I have fucked a guy basically every night since we started travelling”
I quickly did some simple maths.
“So between you two you have fucked nearly 30 guys in two weeks?”
“Yeah, give or take.” She said, not making eye contact
“Fuck” I said trying to hide my eagerness to get my dick checked.
I didn’t push the conversation any further than that. I felt compelled to let Lionel know that the girl he was about to fuck most likely had AIDS, but decided against it. If I had AIDS he was going to have AIDS also!
All four of us sat on the bed together talking random shit. At this stage in my head they were an 8/10 on the slut-o-metre, but I was keen to increase that to a 9 or 10.
“Lionel, I think you should spread Kelly’s legs and eat her pussy right now.” I suggested, grinning from ear to ear.
“Right now, in front of you two?” said Lionel
As Amelia and I played with Kelly’s enormous breast and without any hesitation Lionel spread Kelly’s legs and slid his tongue inside her pussy.
“Okay Lionel, now I think you should baaa like a sheep as you’re doing it”
His baaaa was muffled by her vagina, but it was still a baaaa nonetheless.
After we fucked both of them I turned to Lionel…
“Lionel my man, I think we’ve found the biggest sluts in Thailand”
– Gavin Madden